Unravelling
by artemis-nz
Summary: Yuki doesn't know it, but he is unravelling. Touya/Yuki.


Yuki shivered. His house, always empty and too big by far for only one, seemed colder than ever. The walls echoed the silence, bouncing it back towards him and reminding him just how alone he truly was. He regretted coming back here now, to this bone-silent dwelling. It was a home in name only – a husk masquerading as his house, devoid of any real presence. Compared to the Kinomoto's, so filled with the liveliness and laughter that came from family living shoulder to shoulder, his own place felt as barren of human warmth as a crypt. He had not realised, until now, just how much he had been relying on them to help him forget.

His body gave another shudder, reminding him of the fact that he was standing dumbly in the doorway. He should turn on the heating at least, maybe just one room so that he wouldn't have to face the hollowness of the rest of the house. He could stay there a while, pretend it was all just a dream he would wake up from, finding himself back where he belonged. Part of a family. Side by side with the people he cared about, and people who cared about him in return. People like Touya…

… Only, it _was_ just a dream. Yuki didn't belong with him. He didn't belong anywhere. If you weren't human to begin with, how could you possibly really share some of the warmth? What right did he have to stand beside Touya and take some of that warmth for himself when he didn't- when he wasn't-

His hand was pressing involuntarily against his mouth, stifling the noises that sought to come out. A twin pressing sensation was in his throat, knotted tightly enough that he couldn't swallow it down. What was this? Nothing had actually changed beyond the simple gaining of the knowledge that he, like this house, was merely a shell.

So why did it hurt this much?

He didn't remember walking upstairs, or closing the bedroom door behind him. He didn't recall lying down. But here was his futon cradling his back, and there was the dark wood of the ceiling looming above him. Dark. Darker. The light outside was fading, and he with it.

No. Of course not. He couldn't fade away anymore. He might stay until this very house fell to the earth around him, yet he would still be here. If he waited a hundred years, a thousand, not moving even a single muscle in all that time, would he still remain unchanged? Perhaps he would simply sleep, alive but unaware. A form without function.

The thought slowly dredged up another. Yue had slept a long time. Maybe he could do the same – allow Yue to take over and then stay there, while he himself slipped quietly away. It might be as easy as closing his eyes. It could be as effortless as rolling over and letting the shadows steal as softly over him as a blanket – erasing him until nothing was left but the form. A dense black sea, dragging him away, his head sliding beneath the surface, no need to breathe… it wouldn't hurt… the perfect sleep…

Someone was shaking him. Yuki squeezed his eyes shut tighter, but the shaking only grew more insistent. Sound filtered through like rays of light, piercing through the safety of the darkness.

It hurt. He didn't want to wake up, not ever-

Too late, the awareness that waking up was even a possibility was enough to pull him back – against his will, his eyes were opening.

Squinting, he raised a hand to shield himself from the brightness that assaulted him on the other side.

"Yuki… thank god. Don't ever scare me like that again. I thought…"

"What?" Yuki sat up, blinking dazedly. It was Touya crouched in front of him, of course it was, but it wasn't Touya's voice. He always sounded so sure of himself, so steady. This time it trembled like it was caught in something. Like it was trapped in Touya's throat, just like his own voice had been.

"To-ya… I'm fine." But his smile, brittle as cracked glass, broke when Touya pulled him abruptly and none too gently against him. Shocked, still unable to think, Yuki made a questioning murmur.

"Don't do that again", whispered Touya roughly.

"I don't know what-"

"Don't slip away like that! Don't even try."

Yuki couldn't be sure, Touya was holding him too tightly to be able to tell, but he thought Touya's hands, warm as there were against his back, were as shaky as his voice.

They stayed there for what felt like a long time – Yuki didn't know how long. Until Touya's hands lost their death-grip, slackening enough so that his fingers could run up and down his spine like he was assuring himself Yuki was still there. Until Yuki felt the knot in his throat loosen and unravel completely. Until Yuki was burying his face into the taller man's coat without fully understanding why.

"If you ever feel like doing that again, call me, I don't care when. I will always come", Touya promised, as Yuki's breath grew ragged, the sounds of his pain and relief smothered against Touya's chest.


End file.
